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Lord of the Rings: The Abridged Version (1,534 diggs) Funny Comic

Pedophile Nervous For First Day Of School (2,221 diggs) Worried about meeting new children and making friends, area pedophile Howard Dengal admitted Monday that he was feeling "pretty nervous" for the first day of school. "I hope the kids at Hampstead Elementary like me," said Dengal, who spent the summer reading comic books and watching early morning cartoons.

The Phelps Minute with Michael Phelps (819 diggs) Michael Phelps reviews the latest movies, TV shows, and current events with his unique 8 Gold Medal rating system.

Sarah Palin's Pregnancy Decision Map (PIC) (6,130 diggs) [Reported by Diggers as Possibly Inaccurate] This is sooo wrong and on sooo many different levels.

Wassup Holmes? (1,612 diggs) Parody of Sherlock Holmes and the Hound of the Baskerville

Bush Lets War Widow Punch His Arm Once (1,822 diggs) WASHINGTON —In an unprecedented gesture of apology, President Bush allowed widow Mary Holt, 32, to punch him once on the left arm Monday as retribution for the death of her husband, Marine Pfc. David Holt, who was killed in a 2007 roadside bomb explosion outside Fallujah.

Dickhead (3,736 diggs)

Most Unfortunate Name Ever (4,323 diggs)

Behind the Scenes at Snapple Facts Writers Room (1,048 diggs) What happens when all those people responsible for coming up with the fact you find under a snapple cap get writer's block?

The Disturbing Origins of 5 Common Nursery Rhymes (1,486 diggs) We grew up memorizing these seemingly nonsense lines of verse from Mother Goose, which seem to exist for no other reason than to keep toddlers entertained. There couldn't possibly be some kind of weird, twisted history to them, could there?

9th Grade Whores on Maury (2,399 diggs) Spoof of the original 9th grader on the Maury Show.

Portrayal Of Obama As Elitist Hailed As Step Forward (1,564 diggs) Thanks Fox News!

10 Important News Stories as Depicted by 5-Year-Olds (2,692 diggs) With all of the wars, gas shortages, a looming depression and no more Olympics to pretend aren't boring, things are pretty bleak. We wondered if our world would look any less depressing if viewed through the eyes of a five-year-old.

America Needs To Have A Superficial Conversation About Race (756 diggs) The people of America need to put aside their differences and come together on common ground. Especially at this crucial moment in our history. How better, I ask, to achieve this goal than to engage in an inconclusive, protracted, ignorant, and superficial examination of the issue of race?

Extreme Grocery Shopping! (1,363 diggs) Just about everything can be done to the EXTREME!

If Gods Were Drafted Like Fantasy Football [PIC] (1,125 diggs) With fantasy football right around the corner, we wondered what it would be like if you had to draft your Lord and Savior the same way you drafted your fantasy football team. Can Buddha lead your soul to victory, or is he better suited as your flex player? Our in-depth analysis provides you with all the answers you need.

It's Great To Be a Cop (2,423 diggs) Top reason to join the police

Gotta Be the Best Billboard EVER! (6,124 diggs) Probably the truest as well..

Please Help Find Steve!!! (3,982 diggs) I Miss Steve

I'm a pirate, not a theif. (7,162 diggs)

This is What It's Like to Lose to Michael Phelps (2,702 diggs) This guy is a great athlete but a bad sport.

Roseanne Barr: Literally the Craziest Person on the Internet (788 diggs) I can assure you, all of the quotes attributed to Roseanne come directly from her blog. Anything else is merely an attempt by me to interpret her message. I am, we can say, the charming, well-toned Plato to her bitter, doughy Socrates.

Clever, Burger King, Very Clever (pic) (5,656 diggs) Clever indeed

Hurricane Bound For Texas Slowed By Land Mass To The South (1,118 diggs)

Hummingbird Back At Feeder Again, Grandmother Reports (570 diggs) Area grandmother Eileen Lankford, 82, announced Tuesday that a hummingbird, which she has reported seeing on multiple occasions in the past several weeks, was back at the birdfeeder outside her kitchen window. "My little friend was back today," said Lankford, who has spent the past three afternoons looking out the window to check for the bird.